Recent Events
Discovering Your Fire
Saturday April 21, 2007 - 9:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
Kevin Roth, LMFT, CAC led us through a series of exercises, bringing to our consciousness a variety of realities. We realized that our truth, what is real for us, must be accurately communicated if we are to find healing and peace in al our relationships. And we discovered that we all have the same story-only the details are different! Being heard, and listening to other men, by itself brought a degree of healing!
Some Things We Learned
Kevin told a compelling story-his own! And it was familiar to many of us. He realized he was having intense reactions that just didn't match the circumstances. One example is the way we may respond by saying something childish, which only leads to a strong, childish reaction by the other person. To break into this sequence requires looking within to find the source of the anger expressed in our reactions.
What is your story? And, what is your truth? Do you choose to live the (old and unhealthy) story? Or do you choose to live your truth?
In the small groups we heard two or three other stories and "truths." This sharing by itself is healing. We break out of isolation and loneliness. We discover that feeling shame is self-destructive and our struggles are the same as many other men.
Going around the circle Kevin asked us to share what "activates our junk," and what age we regress to. For some it was being challenged, for some it was being accused, for some it was being disrespected.
Kevin helped us discover tools to be used to stop the process and give us room to react differently and take responsibility for our selves and our behavior.
The hour and a half it took to go around the circle to hear every man was a wonderful experience!
Some Things Said About the Day
A four question evaluation was handed in by nine of the participants. Every one was gracious in their reception of Kevin Roth as the last minute replacement for Grant Schnarr. Two mentioned that they missed the original topic. (We used every means at hand to get word out about the change. We could have been more explicit at the beginning of the day about the change). The benefits to the participants mentioned included camaraderie, increased self awareness, meeting other men doing their work, information on healthy interaction, a sense of community, gaining new friends, being open and friendly, and tips on communicating my wants and hearing another's.
Several noted that it could have been even more experiential, and the whole workshop could have been longer to include that! No one said it was too long!
A couple noted that we could have spent more time in the beginning warming up and finding out a bit about each other before diving right into the significant discussions that happened.
All the comments will be brought to bear as we plan the next event. Thank you all for your transparency, honesty and graciousness.
About the Change of Speaker
I want you to know that Grant Schnarr's decision to not come was made on the basis of an urgent and serious issue in his family. It was a hard decision and was the most honorable path to take. In the end, our work on ourselves happens within each of us. When we gather to support each other, learn from each other, love each other, we get it often in spite of the setting and topic. I thank Kevin for handling the interruption to his practice and his family's plans to be with us. And the money back guarantee holds!
- Clark Echols, Director
THE SECOND ANNUAL "A DAY FOR MEN"
A Compilation of Reports
The day starts relaxed and open hearted. Some men knew each other, some men didn’t. All felt welcome.
Seventeen men gathered under idyllic weather conditions in Cincinnati's Mt Airy Forest on a beautiful summer day. Their purpose was to acquire tools for living powerfully and responsibly with honor and integrity. Their ages ranged evenly from 20-something to perhaps 60. Four presenters offered four unique hour-long sessions that stimulated group discussion based on many meaningful life experiences. The day was launched with a face-to-face and personal challenge: "Is all that is good and true and beautiful in you as strong as the whispers of your shadows and demons?"
Jimmy Nocon gave a gripping rendition of the Beowolf story and led a discussion of the implications of this ancient myth/poem. I got that all of our day-to-day tools disintegrate when we chose to face our deepest fears, and that the right tool will appear at the right time if we are truly seeking; and that the death of the monster is not the end of the story. We still need to face the mother of our fear–to find its source and bring it to light and own it.
What motives do we bring into our battles and who is our inner observer? What fantasies do we hold onto as defense mechanisms? What tool will unexpectedly appear and become my "Golden Sword" that slays the monster? I also saw that the tools I get from others may help me find clarity, but it is the wisdom that comes from within that I can use to heal myself.
Barry Schlimme dedicated his hour to recalling the dreams of our youth and the pledges we made and how they have been realized in adulthood. Pairs of men discussed their answers to a series of simple questions. I found myself becoming tuned to my older son through personal recall of my own teen life. It really helped me to regain a perspective I had forgotten.
Barry took us back to our boyhood to find and make conscious the promises we made. Our goal was to see how these promises might still be running our lives without us knowing it, and to decide now if we wanted to make different, more appropriate promises today. Men shared with men. I found themes in common with other men.
Jimmy took the center again with a series of four questions from the great master. (A) When did you stop singing? (B) When did you stop dancing? (C) When did you stop being enchanted with stories? (D) When did you become uncomfortable with the sweet territory of silence? Each was a powerful metaphor for personal introspection that drew out significant discussion. Sing to speak your truth. Dance to be in touch with your body. Hear and tell stories to stay connected to your ancestors. Be in the silence to ddetach and go within. And the healing stretches back seven generations and sends blessing forward seven generations.
Ed Gutfreund took an approach that emphasized language in general and poetry in particular. We shared in several exercises that were subsequently examined for their aesthetic meaning. A simple sequence of postures (reminiscent of Tai Chi) led us to contemplate and write our response. This exercise brought out many creative poems from the group.
After a Tai Chi exercise I wrote: "The snake of energy flowing up my spine abandons its skin. The scaly husk of habit withers." This was new territory for me!
As the final exercise, pairs of men stood facing with palms pressed and experienced various levels of exertion, all the while maintaining balance. Our responses were introspective and left us with a better appreciation for our masculine interactions.
Bob Wuest invited us to create a life of joy! He described how living in a regular state of happiness and high self esteem is a way of being in the world with joy. You are alive, but that doesn't mean you're living consciously. The artist is creative, but he doesn't have to express his creativity. He may CHOOSE to take up his easel and canvas, paints and brushes, and express his creativity as a beautiful work of art. Your life is like that canvas. You WILL paint. Will you choose to paint consciously, with beautiful colors and bold brush strokes?
Joy is our NORMAL state of being. If you're not living from that place, then realize that that is your choice. For most people, it's the unconscious choice. Depression and anxiety can result from victim consciousness, and/or a resigned satisfaction with the status quo. Accessing your natural, joyful state can be achieved in much the same manner as the artist expresses his creativity on the canvas.
In this session, we analyzed this analogy, and discuss real-world means of living life as a beautiful work of art. During this interactive dialog, we had a chance to discover our own answers. We were al enriched as we shared our discoveries with each other. We thus collected new ideas about how to live from a more joyful, passionate place, of our own, unique, making.
One man said, "The day left me with a sense of confidence in my masculinity and a sense of masculinity as an eternal concept to be contemplated on so many levels. I look forward to future Men's Gatherings where men can freely share meaningful life experiences." Another said: "I thought I saw a satisfying surprise and a newly expressed hunger in the eyes of men who were new to being with men in circles. And men with years of experience were glad to return to the support of other men. Whether they knew them or not, the magic still happened!"
So we sang and drummed and danced, heard stories, hollered and sat in silence so that we might be better able to Walk our Talk!
The world is a better place and we are better men for having been there.
A Day for Men
Saturday, August 26 - 9:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
Acquire tools for living powerfully and responsibly, with honor and integrity
Come join with fellow travelers for a chance to:
- communicate your passions and goals
- be enriched and challenged
- listen to the wisdom that others bring
Multiple presenters will offer a wide variety of material and experiences that we promise will enrich your life and all your relationships.
This event is about creating a sense of community and having men share wisdom about what it takes to live lives of joy, integrity, and balance. We will spend seven hours teaching, learning, laughing, dancing, sharing, and eating heartily.
Our experience of the first Day For Men last year was that this is not a "wounded man," personal growth workshop. Men don’t come because there is anything "wrong" with them. It is a day to be with men and talk about men, what we struggle with, what we're good at, where we're challenged, what our gold is and what our shadows are. And it is accomplished because we put aside any attitude of judgment of men and their beliefs, social status, wealth, sexual orientation, etc. It will be a life-affirmin and glorious day!
Testimony from the first Day For Men:
- "Being with all of you men brings up father hunger in me."
- "It couldn't have been anything other than a great day. I got to spend the whole day with my dad."
When: Saturday, August 26, 9 AM to 4 PM We will begin and end promptly. Please arrive in time to park and register.
How Much: $25 to cover our costs (park rental, speaker travel and lunch). More if you wish to see A Day For Men thrive!
Where: Stone Steps Pavilion in Mount Airy Forest. Go to the Mt Airy Park entrance at 5083 Colerain Ave, (which is Rt 27, between the Reagan Highway and I 74), then follow the signs.
Becoming Authentic Men, Connected Husbands, and Effective Fathers
WORKSHOP - Saturday, April 29, 2006 - 9:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
Workshop Motto: Come to get insights … leave with a new way of being.
Worskshop Speakers
"The Shadows of Manhood" with Barry Schlimme
The painful experiences we had as boys prompted us to consciously and unconsciously lock into beliefs, make decisions, and create behaviors that worked to keep us safe and/or bring us love. As a result, in adulthood, instead of choosing a conscious and mature response in certain situations, our habituated boyhood behaviors show up as immediate and well-practiced unconscious reactions, and continually sabotage our best efforts as men. Why? Until your unconscious "buys in", it will sabotage your conscious efforts to change. It’s time to leave boyhood behind, make new choices, and become men.
"Husbandry" with Clark Echols
Imagine yourself the husbandman in your relationships with women. You supply the seed, prepare the ground and sow the seed, and the relationship grows. To grow, your relationship needs the right amount of water, warmth, and light. Where do you get the seed? Do you take the time to prepare the ground? What do you do what it’s too dry or too cold? Let’s look at our role of husbandman, providing the right kind and amount of love, intellect and communication. These are the basics that are very hard to do at times.
"Healing the Father Wound" with Calvin Williams
Fatherhood comes with tremendous promise, yet for too many men, the promise withers in the wound. This workshop will give men the safety and opportunity to look at the "father wound", which is the initiation into the "promise of fatherhood". Calvin Williams has over seven years experience teaching and learning about fatherhood. As Program Director for the SUMA Fatherhood Project, Calvin has walked with hundreds of men into the sacred realm of fatherhood.
Driving Directions
The April 29, 2006 workshop was hosted by the Church of the New Jerusalem in Glendale, OH. For driving directions, enter your starting address below or CLICK HERE for a map:
Workshop Location:
Church of the New Jerusalem
845 Congress Ave.
Glendale, OH 45246
Phone: (513) 772-1478
Website: www.newchurch-cincy.org
Workshop Publicity
This poster was used in promoting the April 29 Workshop. It was designed as a FREE POSTER to download, print, and distribute for corporate offices and personal invitations.
Workshop Summary - Six Men Inaugurate the Cincinnati Men’s Gathering
The first event produced by the Cincinnati Men’s Gathering was held April 29th, 2006 at the Glendale New Church. The small group experienced three processes that helped them be better men, better father’s and better partners in all areas of their lives.
Barry Schlimme, personal coach and New Warrior, created The Wisdom Center and is the self-appointed CIO (Chief Imagination Officer), began the day taking all through the process of discovering the feelings and thoughts behind an habitual action we want to change. Watching Barry work with one man, we all experienced the same catharsis. We all have a new strategy for changing our behavior, avoiding being run by old wounds.
You can read more about Barry and his work by visiting his website at www.celebratewisdom.com.
Then Calvin Williams, Director of the Fatherhood Project at SUMA, a Cincinnati-wide effort to aid families, took us through a process in which we discovered a new way to be affirmed by our fathers, and pass that affirmation on to our sons. It brought our fathers present in our lives in a very powerful way, and it gave us a chance to have an old wound healed, allowing us to live in a new way.
For more information on the Fatherhood Project, please contact Calvin at (513) 487-7862.
After a delicious and nutritious lunch from Madison’s Market of Glendale, Clark Echols, Pastor, teacher and Small Group Leader, told stories that led us through a writing and sharing process in which we had our consciousness raised concerning the variety of seeds we plant in the world and in our relationships through our words and actions. We went away with a new way of being in the world.
The small group allowed the workshop to be intimate and casual. Barry, Calvin and Clark used their time fully and still we finished earlier than expected. Hopefully our being able to pack in a lot of good work in the time allotted will be a feature of future events produced by the CMG. And the task before us is to provide workshops that will be of service to the men of Cincinnati and get the word out in an effective way.
If you would like to get involved, please contact us at your earliest convenience. Become a member and ensure that the work continues!
